Returning to Former Glory

It’s 92 degrees out on a sunny Boston afternoon, and I’m fighting the idea of passing out.

I’m catching my breath at the Tufts University track in between sets during an interval sprint workout where the heat rising from the track is borderline dangerous. I shake off this feeling and the idea of dropping to the ground, instead insisting I can endure.

It may seem crazy but I enjoy the physical exertion combined with excessive heat. After years of athletic training, I know my body and how far it can be pushed. Like caviar, I consider steamy days like this to be a delicacy, something special that only comes around so often. Indeed these are special days, as they remind me of past summers and the youthful enthusiasm I once had.

And now, after not knowing if I could ever run again, I no longer take these days for granted.

As a former track & field state champion and collegiate Big Ten varsity athlete, running was a part of my life from a young age. But in 2009, collegiate athletics had beat me down and my mind could no longer stand the constant exertion.

The End of My Identity

The end of my competitive career in 2010 was met with relief and fulfillment. After a much needed restful break from racing, I was excited to begin exercising again on my own terms, no longer following the commands of a coach.

Unfortunately, without the complete routine of training, I lost core stability, herniated a disc in my spine, and could no longer run, walk, stand, or sit without constant pain. I’ve wrote on this topic previously, but for two years I could not exercise, leading to rapid muscle loss and self-confidence. Doctors told me there was no reason to train how I once had and to accept this physical state as my new reality.

Despite my efforts to believe the doctors and let go of the identity my former self, my mind didn’t buy in. It couldn’t deal with this new, limited self and instead, tricked me into believing I would eventually return to my old routine.

Fueled by this belief, I slowly pushed my back to its limit, year-by-year, testing its capabilities in a slow process of gains and losses, improvements and set backs. Eventually with a slow growth in athletic power and lumbar control in early 2016, I attempted formerly impossible weight lifts with noticeable success, and more importantly, without pain.

Achieving the Impossible

With this newfound strength and stability in my lower back and core, I continued to perform other exercises once deemed off-limits for me. Six years from the disabling incident, I could feel myself returning to its former body.

Coinciding with the increased physical strength, further inspiration was provided by the nationally televised track & field  competitions in preparation for the 2016 Rio Olympics. Itching to train again as a collegiate athlete and explore what sprinting stamina was left in the tank, I dedicated myself the gym and track.

After a long six year process, I’m now close to training as a collegiate athlete and once again my mind and body align on the self I envision.

Going against my doctors’ predictions, I achieved what was believed as impossible through gradual fitness improvement, cleaning up my diet, and calming my anxiety-prone mind.

The Desire for a Former Self

What these events of injury and recovery taught me are that every day a choice is faced whether to improve your body or let it continue to age and breakdown. It took effort and resilience to change my physical reality, despite criticism, pain, and time. I am determined to hold on to this ability as long as possible and hope you want and feel the same.

I believe many of us long for the days of our youth when we felt invincible, being able to run and jump at will and eat without consequences. We’ve all experienced the joys of youth and the desire to relive the talents of this previous time. Unfortunately, we age and deteriorate in an inevitable downward trajectory. The silver lining to this fact is that this course can be altered.

To slow the decline and preserve health and fitness,  improvements in what we eat, how we move, and how we think are needed. Only this moment affords the choice to improve yourself, or to continue the excuses aiding to an accelerated demise. I’ve proposed a first step to a better self can achieved using the T Tier.

When I lost my physical mobility, I would wallow in despair and hope for the chance to run again, pain-free. Now that this ability has been restored, I no longer take it for granted and cherish each moment as if it were the last.

Reliving youthful moments, such of the completion of a grueling workout on a scorching hot track, reinforces my choice of healthful habits that support my body and allow it to continue to perform in an aging body.

We can all remain comfortable as we age, letting our bodies slip away, or we can choose the less convenient path and preserve our abilities through the healthful choices we make.

I choose to be fit. I choose to be healthy. In doing so, I will return to my former glory.