This past weekend, as I read an article describing the good that comes from meditation, I wondered why no one ever mentions anything negative about the practice.
With roots to the early days of Eastern spirituality, meditation has taken hold of mainstream Western culture touting a breadth of health benefits.
By clearing your mind and focusing on the present moment, meditation can reduce stress, improve self esteem, and create a sense of calm.
But while all of the headline news present these improvements and why you need to begin meditating right now, rarely do you hear about negative consequences of meditation.
I’m a strong proponent for everyone to be more aware of the present moment, but meditation itself may not help everyone, all the time. Sometimes during a meditation session, negative emotions can surface, making your state of mind worse than before.
I know because I’ve been thrown into the depressive darkness afterwards.
During meditation, you become an explorer and an observer to the deepest thoughts of your mind and are not to pass judgement on these thoughts but rather watch them as they come and go.
For some, including myself, I routinely keep occupied and my mind constantly busy. By doing this intentionally or not, I keep unwanted memories repressed. When I take the time to open my mind to meditation, I find things that aren’t always pleasant.
Problem 1: Resurfacing of negative memories
The purpose of meditation is to let go of the ego that controls your life. By no longer answering to the wants and desires of this part of your mind, you are supposed to be more calm and at peace. No longer are you serving this selfish entity.
Throughout this process, you begin to tear down the ego and the part of your brain you’ve known as “reality” for your entire life. The ego does like losing control and can react in in a defensive manner.
Thoughts that have been concealed by years of layered memories may come raging back. When they do, you are told to not dwell or judge these thoughts, but rather witness and let them go. But no matter how infrequent they appear or how little I give them weight, I still struggle to dismiss my visceral reaction to negative thoughts. Instead of letting these go, they may last and linger, staying with me for hours or days after meditating.
At times, I’ve found myself more depressed and hopeless than before, feeling defeated for not achieving the purpose of meditation and being present.
Problem 2: Creating a sense of purposelessness
The world you know as “reality” encourages the creation of goals and the pursuit of desires. But with meditation, the focus is to be on the present moment, no longer concerned by the past events or future obligations.
When the future is no longer considered, the purpose of life is questioned and the activities of daily living seem meaningless. Stressing about work stress seems futile and the ideal enjoyments of life can fade away. Moods are no longer high or low but rather a constant state of mellow.
What’s the point of planning for the future if you are only meant to live in the present?
Why go to work everyday if it only brings stress and lacks fulfillment?
You contemplate quitting your job and moving to the woods but luckily, or not, there is still enough awareness of the need to have money to live in this modern world… but this too you question and wonder if you can learn something from the meager Buddhist spiritual teachers of the East.
Coming back to reality
After too many negative episodes, I decided to take a break from meditation and return to “reality.” I luckily began to feel more in sync with societal norms and the ebb and flow of normal life. I began to want material objects again and to stress about my career. I also gained back my ambitious drive, pushing away the sense of purposelessness I previously felt. My hopes were restored and my sadness was buried.
But coming back to reality was different than when I left it. Meditation instilled in me the importance of being present, of being mindful. I understood a bigger picture of life and how insignificant I am in the world. This awareness helped calm me in times I would otherwise feel overwhelmed or anxious.
Despite the negative emotions that occurred during my times meditating, I glimpsed the possibilities of goodness in life, leaving me with skills that are highly useful in this modern, overly stimulating world.
However brief these moments are, I am a believer in meditation and know it can help many, even if sometimes it may go wrong.
The Healthy Pharmacist 
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